A Bit Heavy on the Pop Culture (Week 23: Day 160)
"The band of evil LEGOs are in hot pursuit! Assume your positions!" Raphael of the TMNT commands.
"Take the high ground! Arm your weapons, speed meditate if you must, but then be on guard. We don't attack first, but we won't let them win," Sgt. Halo adds.
"Hey, you're not in charge," Raph comments.
Dust from the Mega Blok vehicle makes Sgt. Halo sneeze.
"Quiet!" Raph snarls.
"Sorry..." Sgt. Halo mumbles.
"Shhh!!!" the entire team forcefully shushes, exuding spittle onto Captain Mom's glasses. Unnecessary, she thinks to herself.
(Captain Mom whispers to First Mate: What do we do when the LEGOs get here?)
(First Mate GLARES)
(FM gives a PROLONGED GLARE)
(CM's eyes shift from side to side)
(FM: I ALREADY TOLD YOU! WE ATTACK!)
(CM: Right, right, right.)
"Here they come!" Sgt. Halo screams.
"Arrrrrrrggggghhhhh!" yell the miscreants aboard the LEGO car. They sound a bit like Grover and the fly boss from Mario Paint.
"Who will be the first to battle Tiger Arm?" Raph queries, with a voice of an announcer.
Tiger Arm steps out onto the battle arena.
"I'm gonna kill you all!" the LEGO Friend-with-no-hair brandishes two golden swords. If there were LEGO dreads, she would be a spitting image of Michonne in a tube top.
"No you won't," remarks a chauvinist with an eye patch. "I'll kill them all!"
"No way, I will!"
"Me!" screams Eye Patch.
"Nope. Gonna be me. Totes Magotes."
"Bet you twenty silver pieces I kill every single one of them!!" LEGO Friend-with-no-hair declares.
"You. Are. Going. To. Lose," Tiger Arm states in a surprisingly calm voice.
The attack begins. LFWNH jumps into the air and does three double flips, landing on Tiger Arms with tremendous force. Tiger Arms yowls and launches a powerful defense attack. LFWNH flies backward, slamming into a wall.
"Uuuhhhghhh," she groans, but recomposes herself.
"YEeEEAAHAhahahaAHAHAH!!!!" she attacks again, spinning her swords around and around, she tears Tiger Arms into bits and pieces.
(FM: Heeeeyy!!! You can't do that! That doesn't count.)
(CM: Uh, yeah it does. She won. Hands-down.)
Meanwhile, the Mega Bloks tap their impatient plastic feet. Out of nowhere comes Evil Closet Monkey.
"Ooooga boooga ooooga boooooooog!"
(FM: hysterical laughter)
"Retreat!!!" the LEGOs board their vehicle and peel out like a race car on banana.
"What now?" asks Raph.
"Snack time," says Captain Mom. "I'm famished."
Who needs school when you have Real Life Pretend end of the world fighting?